Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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