she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
50% drunk capacity currently
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
