Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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