420 ftw
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
