good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
