If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
