Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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