Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
