i permit you to call me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
