After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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