Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
