The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
