Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
