I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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