filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
