I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
