i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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