if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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