i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
