Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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