he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
