he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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