she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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