from now on my penis is your penis
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
