She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
