Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
