neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
