Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
