Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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