I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
