i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
