We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
