oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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