Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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