Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
