I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
