what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
