You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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