my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
