I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
