first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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