with your own penis?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
