I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
