yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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