You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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