i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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