You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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