i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
