You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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