What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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