I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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