question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
