You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
