We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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