I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
