my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This baby is an asshole
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
