i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
