Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
