I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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