we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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